Allison… I’ve known her for a few years now, via facebook only, sadly, but one day. ONE DAY. She will have her gin and I will have my whiskey and we will par-tay because we’ll be celebrating her blooming writing career. She’s brilliant, really. I wrote a review of this novel on amazon. It should be up shortly. I am pretty sure I accidentally spelled Palahniuk incorrectly. Ugh. Stupid cheeky “h.”
It took me forever just to start this book because I knew the gist of the subject matter and I have my sordid history and I was honestly afraid, knowing how Allison writes, that it would trigger me. That’s really saying something. To be honest, it did trigger me. And you know what? I’d do it again. And I will do it again. She is pumping forth more words as we speak, including a sequel to this piece. Pretty soon, she’s going to have loads more victims, and I’m not even lying, I’m not jealous. She deserves this. She deserves it richly and she’s worked damned hard for it. Oh and, I’m just slightly fucking well way over chuffed for her because SHE SIGNED A DEAL WITH GILLIAN FLYNN’S AGENT. HOLY SCHMIT! God, when I heard that I was just like… *mind blown*. I told her, very seriously, that I could not wait to read Stephen King’s first blurb on one of her novels. It will happen. I know it. If he doesn’t die first. He’s starting to look a little dusty, which makes me afraid and sad for the world. Hang on, Stevie! She’s worth it!
More about this novel that I wasn’t comfortable putting on amazon is that yes, it’s beyond gore. It’s beyond horror. It’s beyond sick. But I can take that. I’ve had ruthless, depraved things done to my body and my self esteem that can never be healed. I’ve had loaded and cocked guns, safety off, shaky finger putting pressure on the trigger, to my head in front of my children. I am not scared of a little bit of mess and bits of flesh. I don’t (believe it or not, from my posts so far) inflict it on myself often anymore, because that’s just stupid. The trauma of this prose, this story, is in the powerlessness. it wasn’t the gore that really shook me, it was the subtext. What caused me the most suffering when I read it was the reminder that there is no safety and there is very little choice. Once certain things are set in motion, once you are under the complete control of a monster, that is when your soul is stolen. It’s not the physical pain. Morphine does the trick for that. It’s the sense of knowing what’s coming next and not being able, not having the strength, to do one good god damned thing to defend yourself or the ones you love. You can only hope for oblivion or revenge, and in that hope, and trust me, you fucking pray for revenge, at least for a while, and when you do, you lose what’s left of yourself that you find worthy. That’s what this book is really about.
p.s. Do yourself a favour and buy a physical copy. You’ll want it in your hot little hands (but not under your pillow)